Lucid Dreams

Everyone has that one dream that was so amazingly real that it sticks with him. I used to have such dreams a bit more often when I was younger, in high school and college. Since I joined the working world, perhaps something with my sleep pattern has discouraged these. I do remember that I used to refer to these as my “epic adventure” dreams, because the sensation I had when waking was that I had just finished a great adventure novel where I was the protagonist.

They weren’t lucid dreams as I was not conscious of the fact that I was dreaming, nor had I any control of the dreams. It was as though I had just played the pivotal role in the climax of a grand tale, found out how it ended, and woke up with the exhilaration of feeling as though I was truly a part of the story. I awoke with such exuberance and rush of adrenaline that it kept me on a high for the remainder of the day and I kept reliving the dream in my thoughts for days after.

I am not sure why these dreams stopped in recent years, but I had one again last night with an unpleasant twist.

I can remember it still very vividly and it unfolded like a story as dreams of the past. Unlike past dreams the critical portion of this story was not the stuff of adventure books. It came down to a choice that I had to make. In the end, I can take comfort in fact that the choice made by my subconscious mind was at least the correct one as I was also not aware of my dream. The exhilaration was there as well, but what I find difficult to accept is that I was exhilarated not for having made the right choice, but for having the option to make the wrong one. I remember savoring the wrong choice as it was thrust upon me and was so excited about its sheer possibility. When I awoke the excitement about having flirted with the alternative was still rushing through me such that it took me a few seconds to realize what had happened. I spent most of the rest of the day lost in a contemplative surreal daze, finding concentration rather difficult.

Again I can take comfort in the fact that my subconscious mind made the right decision in the end. But there will always be the unavoidable moral dilemma and lingering guilt of the delight I took at tasting the lesser path. I suppose good triumphed in the end, but this perhaps can serve as a sobering reminder that what is wrong can be the more tempting option.

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